sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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