there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's like iHOP with fire
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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