hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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