If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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