things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had sex on a roof
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
