I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize