I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
