Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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