Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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