Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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