Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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