I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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