dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
