Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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