All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize