i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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