I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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