i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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