So drunk its hurt
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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