he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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