it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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