bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize