i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
