While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Terrible idea I love it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize