Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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