The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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