my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
