i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
