Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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