is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did I show you my penis last night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I currently don't understand fingers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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