Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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