Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.