Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.