You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.