I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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