quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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