Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
