Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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