wrigley field is MILF paradise
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.