I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.