I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.