How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.