I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.