Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.