I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY