So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
