I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
