You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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