I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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