He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
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checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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