her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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