Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
