Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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