In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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