bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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