you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
