I love black thongs
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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