What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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