Michael Bay diarrhea
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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